wouldn't it be great
Mood:
mischievious
Topic: just my thoughts
This just in from my e-mail. Food for thought. Is this fun or what?
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR OUR NEXT PRESIDENT, WHETHER
IT BE GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN KERRY, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in
Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of
all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
Now it is time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The
United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France or
Germany.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that
note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia
for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am
ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
watch as your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos are turned over to some
of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2, President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will
have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where
I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with
your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty
--- starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn
tooting." Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life
around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about
everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we
won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a soldier.
Posted by tornadotilly
at 3:38 PM EST
happy
quizzical
chatty